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#1451: Ben Carson

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Benjamin Solomon Carson, Sr. is a pediatric neurosurgeon best known for being the first to separate conjoined twins joined at the head. He attracted the attention of wingnuts after making a variety of comments at the 2013 National Prayer Breakfast hosted by President Obama (such as advocating for a flat tax system because it is more in line with the Biblical principle of the tithe – Carson says God told him to talk about flat tax). At the time he claimed no political affiliation, commenting that “[i]f I were part of [a political party], it would be called the Logic party, and it would be dedicated to commonsense approaches we all should be able to see.” Which is not, of course, how logic works. Said Carson: “I believe it is a very good idea for physicians, scientists, engineers, and others trained to make decisions based on facts and empirical data to get involved in the political arena and help guide our country.” Instead, he decided to run for president himself.

Carson’s views on science
Though his credentials as a neurosurgeon are impressive, Carson is not a scientist and has no aptitude for the values associated with science such as truth, accountability and sensitivity to the evidence. Carson is, for instance, a creationist, though he doesn’t even have the most rudimentary idea what the theory of evolution (“just propaganda”) is: “I don’t believe in evolution ... I simply don’t have enough faith to believe that something as complex as our ability to rationalize, think, and plan, and have a moral sense of what’s right and wrong, just appeared,” which is precisely not what the theory of evolution says. To Adventist Review he continued: “By believing we are the product of random acts, we eliminate morality and the basis of ethical behavior.” 

More recently, he reaffirmed his rejection of evolution by arguing that the science of evolution is a sign of humankind’s arrogance and belief “that they are so smart that if they can’t explain how God did something, then it didn’t happen, which of course means that they’re God. You don’t need a God if you consider yourself capable of explaining everything,” which seems as irrelevant to the issue as it is possible to be. And to take it even further, “no one has the knowledge” of the age of the earth “based on the Bible,” adding that “carbon dating and all of these things really don’t mean anything to a God who has the ability to create anything at any point in time.” Right. Is that a particularly stupid version of the omphalos hypothesis we’re seeing? In fact, Carson wasn’t done: The “complexity of the human brain” is proof that evolution is a myth: “Somebody says that came from a slime pit full of promiscuous biochemicals? I don’t think so.” And evolution is unable to explain the development of an eyeball: “Give me a break. According to their scheme, it had to occur over night, it had to be there,” which seems to be exactly the opposite of, you know, what “evolution” means. In 2014 his Carson Scholars Fund promptly awarded a prize for “excellence” to Kirk Cameron.

Carson on history
Not surprisingly, Carson buys wholesale into the The United States as a Christian Nation myths, though, saying that divine intervention created America. “There are many well-documented stories about God’s intervention on behalf of our country during the War of Independence,” wrote Carson in a 2014 column, but cited just one: A familiar story about Benjamin Franklin leading the delegates in prayer during a particularly difficult moment of the Constitutional Convention, which was particularly loved by Jesse Helms and is just as false now as it was in Helms’s heyday.

According to Carson, the Affordable Care Act (which he likes to blatantly lie about) is “the worst thing to happen to the country since slavery.” He justifies the claim by pointing out that Lenin said that “Socialized medicine is the keystone to the arch of the Socialized State,” which Lenin did not say but is nevertheless enough to prove to Carson that Obamacare is of the devil. He later denied that he was “equating Obamacare with slavery,” though he kind of obviously was (he evidently doesn’t recognize the existence of youtube). He also admitted that there was controversy over whether Lenin used the “exact words,” but there really isn’t. Lenin didn’t say that.

Meanwhile, Carson blamesfeminism, no less, for Ferguson. Feminism is to blame for the egoism of the generations that create trouble in inner cities, and I simply cannot stoop to a level that allows me to finish that line of “thought”, but I know of groups who love that particular line of reasoning. No wonder Carson is popular with them (remember that he thinks Obama is deliberately trying to “destroy” society with “race wars”). Later he chastised people who protested against police brutality since such protests will just help ISIS and Al-Qaeda, no less. Here is Carson weighing in on Benghazi, and here on the Baltimore protests.

Gay marriage (of course), persecution and the Constitution
As for gay marriage Carson’s views are predictable enough: “Marriage is between a man and a woman. No group, be they gays, be they NAMBLA, be they people who believe in bestiality, it doesn’t matter what they are. They don’t get to change the definition.” (Though he did, it should be mentioned, apologize for that one. He also said, however, that the comments were taken “out of context,” which they were not.) Commenting on the backlash, Carson claimed that white liberals “are the most racist people there are. Because they put you in a little category, a little box. You have to think this way. How could you dare come off the plantation?” because they criticized his comments on gay marriage and failed to realize that criticism is the same as persecution when it suits Carson (it’s a violation of his freedom of speech). He also pointed out that by accepting gay marriage we change the Biblical definition of marriage, and if you do that – by the venerable argument-type slippery slope – “you can get rid of everything else in the Bible too.” Of course, Carson is oblivious to the fact that he, too, rejects the Biblical definition of marriage, unless he thinks marriage is a business transaction by which a man acquires property, but the issue is really about rejecting those parts of the Bible that Carson doesn’t want you to reject. 

To emphasize that he is not a bigot he did point out that “gay people should have the same rights as everyone else. But they don’t get extra rights,” such as the right to marry who they want, which straight people don’t have. If he were elected president, he would certainly get involved” in undoing the marriage decision” by creative lawmaking because although he claims to “respect everybody and let everybody do what they want to do,” if “everybody gets the right to change things for their group” that will lead to “chaos.” Also, gay-rights opponents are the real victims of “injustice” because they just want to be “left alone,” says Carson, which is a common enough trope but which we still think cannot be said by anyone less than a 12th-level master of self-delusion succeeding a pretty tough saving throw against the intrusion of minimal self-awareness.

It’s not the only time Carson has invoked persecution. When Dinesh D’Souza was charged with making illegal “straw donations” to the campaign of a Republican Senate candidate (which he obviously had in complete awareness of its illegality), Carson ran to D’Souza’s defense claiming that Obama administration officials are “acting like the Gestapo”. He also pointed out that “I believe we are dealing with an extremely corrupt administration,” because that’s obviously what’s going on when one of Carson’s allies are guilty of corruption and caught in the act. Citing no evidence whatsoever, he continued by claiming that “I don’t think [Obama] would be happy unless Fox News were shut down and there was no more criticism of his actions” for “[w]ithout Fox News,” Obama would have successfully introduced communism and “we would already be Cuba,” because such are the ravings of a delusional madman.

And he’s had more to say about gay people. In a March 2015 interview Carson stated that homosexuality was “absolutely” a choice, “[b]ecause a lot of people who go into prison go into prison straight and when they come out, they’re gay. So, did something happen while they were in there? Ask yourself that question.” And once again, Carson had to backtrack profusely afterwards – thereby losing the support of deranged bigots like Matt Barber, who said that Carson was now “dead to him” (their relationship ain’t gotten better). Carson, on his side, has tried to emphasize that he“loves all gay people” even though they’re like pedophiles and part of a plotto usher in a “new world order” that seeks to destroy America and turn it into a communist tyranny (we’realready close, in fact). He knows about this plot from reading right-wing conspiracy theorist W. Cleon Skousen’s book The Naked Communist.

Out of pity for poor, persecuted anti-gay people like himself Carson has also called for judges who disagree with his position to be removed from office. To justify the strategy, he cites the Constitution, which according to Carson “tells us that civil matters should be handled at the state level, not the national,” so when states have voted against gay marriage, and judges attempt to overturn that, they are doing something unconstitutional. So, when Carson claims to venerate the Constitution, which he has probably not looked at and definitely not understood a word of, what he is really saying is that he venerates is his own political views. He deplores the Constitution, according to which his argument is complete nonsense on an impressive number of levels.

Political programs
Something must certainly be done. Currently, we are facing a“war on God” where Hitlerian progressives are turning America into a society “very much like Nazi Germany” (like Cuba or Western Europe). We already “live in a Gestapo age” where Obama takes his cues from Mein Kampf and is effectively committing treason, and the administration is ruled by an anti-American spirit. What are some of Carson’s own suggestions?

Well, for one he is vigorously opposed to government programs for the poor, since dependence on government programs for the poor creates dependence ... An example would be food stamps, which Carson admits his childhood family couldn’t have done without, but which nevertheless is bad for everyone else since it makes them dependent on the government instead of … you know, things. It is also a deliberate, Satanic, hidden agenda Obama has to make voters dependent on the government (no, the objection isn’t completely coherent). To support his position he blatantly lies about Martin Luther King. And he is not afraid of Godwin’s law when calling out Obama as a Nazi. And a communist. In the same sentence. (And before you say anything, remember that whereas criticism of Obama is never motivated by racism, criticism of Ben Carson certainly is.)

Planned Parenthood, meanwhile, was established for the sole purpose of eliminating black people, a lie that has been debunked numerous times but remains popular among certain people because those people are crazy, zealous and stupid (or, fair enough, because it serves their purpose). Legal abortion, according to Carson, is “human sacrifice” (though there is some lack of clarity surrounding his stance on abortion; perhaps “human sacrifice” is not meant in a negative way?)

Being educated himself, it is natural for Carson to have strong views on education. So according to Carson, teaching kids about America’s past mistakes, such as Japanese American internment or treatment of the native population, should be avoided since it will make students “sign up for ISIS.”

He is against the legalization of recreational cannabis, which is his prerogative. But his reason is that it is a gateway drug that leads to “hedonistic activity”, which is a very strange reason.

As for immigration policy, Carson has said that he is open to drone strikes on American soil to fight immigrants, which doesn’t sound like a particularly good idea if you wish to go down in history as anything better than something to scare children with. Carson, however, thinks that the southern border of the US has been exposed to infiltration from “radical extremist Islamic terrorists” whom President Obama doesn’t intend to fight. According, people need more guns, since “we need to be able to fight them, particularly if we have an administration that won’t fight them, we need to be able to fight them ourselves.” As a policy suggestion this doesn’t sound like a particularly good idea either.

And as for voter fraud, Carson has bravely suggested that non-citizens who commit voter fraud should have their citizenship revoked. The suggestion was apparently met with applause. Good f***ing grief.

Carson and medical quackery (and cheating on exams)
Between 2004 and 2013, Carson promoted and appeared in testimonials for Mannatech, a company claiming that its line of “glyconutrients” would cure anything, including autism, non-Hodgkins lymphoma, life-threatening heart conditions, ADD, arthritis, and so on. Of course, it couldn’t, and the company was eventually sued by the Texas State Attorney General for false advertising (eventually settled for a rather substantial sum). Carson, however, appeared in promotional videos claiming that “We aren’t necessarily getting the nutritional value that we need. So as I analyzed all those things, I began to realize that that was a significant portion of my problem. And I started to try to figure out, how do you get that supplementation? Well, I became particularly interested in glycoscience, glyconutrients. These things are in your apples, your bananas and beets and everything, you know, that’s growing, but by the time we get them, they frequently are gone. And I discovered you can actually concentrate those in powders and pills and things like that.” So you should buy those products. Yes, Ben Carson was hawking scam supplements. Now he wants to be president.

At a National Day of Prayer event Carson spoke about how God once telepathically sent him the answers to an exam in a chemistry class he was failing. Which sounds like cheating, if it were true. Which, of course, it isn’t.

Diagnosis: Yes, he is dishonest to the core and there’s certainly a lot of pandering going on here, but it is hard to get around the conclusion that, despite his achievments as a neurosurgeon, Carson is pretty stupid. He lacks the most fundamental critical thinking skills, and is pathologically unable to distinguish evidence from whatever-he-wants-to-believe. Given his current influence among wingnuts he is also frighteningly dangerous.

#1452: Alan Caruba

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Alan Caruba is a wingnut crank associated with Tea PartyNation and head of the “Caruba Organization,” a PR firm, and the “National Anxiety Center”, a, well, think tank publishing materials Caruba has obtained from places and figures like the Heartland Institute, the Competitive Enterprise Institute and James Delingpole (actual science he avoids like the plague, even though the questions he is writing about often concerns science). The National Anxiety Center’s mission is “to debunk the many claims made by environmental and consumer organizations that were engaged in deliberately false, media-driven scare campaigns. Since purposefully raising fear and anxiety over various issues is the main weapon used by various special interest groups, the Center was named for this practice and exists to refute it.” In other words, it is a hub for total environmental denialism: The DDT scare is a hoax, and we need more (Rachel Carson was an environmental Hitler); acid rain and holes in the ozone layer are environmentalist conspiracies, and endangered species? Caruba points out that species went extinct before humans even existed, so that’s all that needs to be said about that. And of course, global warming is a hoax. Of perhaps particular note is Caruba’s attack on open access publishing, which he claims is bad because it gives people easier access to the science. The argument is … contrived. Essentially, his problem seems to be that easier access to scientific publications makes it easier to double check the false claims Caruba and global warming denialists make, but he doesn’t quite put it like that.

As for peak oil, Caruba claims it’s a myth because abiotic oil.

While denying environmentalism as fear-mongering and paranoia, Caruba is a heavy promoter of batshit paranoia, fear-mongering and conspiracies about more or less every other issue. Global warming itself is for instance a hoax perpetuated by the UN in their wicked plot to institute communism everywhere. Public education is apparently part of the same plot. Good examples of the UN plot at work are Mexicans and Muslims: According to Caruba, the US needs to secure the border before illegally immigrated Mexicans destroy and UN-enabled Islamofascism is imposed on America. And he has said that the US might have to invade the entire continent of Africa, because of its high Muslim population.

And in addition, there is the homosexual agenda (which will “doom America”): “I like to think of myself as a tolerant person,” says Caruba; “I have, however, one prejudice that is based on biology and history … being gay is not normal,” hence “anyone with a handful of functioning brain cells” opposes legalizing same-sex marriage. Also, the military and shools are being “used by gay and lesbian advocacy groups as a petri dish to force social change” to help people who have an orientation that is a “sexual aberration”. Needless to say, that you “like to think” of yourself as “a tolerant person” doesn’t make you one.

Not quite content with that, Caruba is also a follower of the pseudoscientific catastrophism of Robert W. Felix, and many of his rants are cross-posted to Felix’s Ice Age Now site (yes, while denouncing global warming as an alarmist hoax, he is himself predicting an imminent, apocalyptic ice age).

He also dabbles in pseudolaw, claiming for instance that Barack Obama is ineligible to be president because his father was not a natural-born citizen. At least “Obama has made it nearly impossible for a black American to be elected President for a generation or two,” concluded Caruba before the 2012 elections, which he didn’t think Obama had any chance of winning (think for a moment about what the observation says about Caruba's views race). Here is a fine example of the level at which his Obama criticisms are pitched.

Diagnosis: As a delusional conspiracy nutter, Caruba does enjoy some influence on the fringe (his views have been promoted for instance by the Moonie times), even though grammar only distinguishes it from the stuff pushed over at whale.to

#1453: David Caton

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No, nothing new or original, but still more rabid than most. David Caton is founder, president and sole employee of the Tampa-based Florida Family Association (FFA), as well as the author of Overcoming the Addiction to Pornography (1990), a book based partly on his own experiences (he claims to be an ex-pornography addict as well as an ex-drug addict). The FFA, which he founded in 1997, is apparently not affiliated with the American Family Association, though it shares many values and goals, and is also classified as a “general hate group” by the SPLC. Instead, the FFA is, in practice, a one-man fundie outrage machine that, as Michael Keegan points out, “presents itself as an army ready to strike at companies that won’t cater to its extremist views. In reality, the ‘group’ is just one very angry man – David Caton – and his computer.” There’s a nice profile of him here.

Caton’s ardent campaigns against same-sex relations don’t seem to have had much by way of the effect he is aiming for, though. In the late 90s, for instance, his rabid protests against a Gay Straight Alliance high school support group really drew the attention to the harassment of homosexual students, and though he claimed to have caused MTV to cancel “A Shot at Love” in 2008 for being a bisexual dating competition, his claim to victory is somewhat compromised by the fact that the network didn’t cancel the show. He has also been behind an impressive number of unsuccessful campaigns to repeal measures to prevent discriminations, harassment, bullying and violence against gays in Miami, Orlando, Sarasota  and elsewhere (including bills that would ban bullying based on a student’s sexual orientation – outrageous, apparently). When Florida’s ban on gay adoption was ruled unconstitutional in September 2008, Caton blamed “a rogue judge.”

FFA also drew some attention when they flew airplane banners over Disney World that read “WARNING GAY DAY AT DISNEY” during the annual “Gay Day”. He employed airplane banners also to protest Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way” tour in the United States, reading “NOT BORN THIS WAY” (warning that Lady Gaga is “tricking kids into being gay”). I am sure the effect was astounding.

And he has targeted the show Degrassi because of the show’s “irresponsible affirmation of a transgender lifestyle”, negative portrayal of “ex-gay” reparative therapy and promotion of “immoral behavior”, and not the least Marvel Comics’s X-Men #51, which centered on a wedding between the super-hero Northstar and his boyfriend, which “crossed the line by attempting to legitimize same-sex marriage and asking kids to fantasize about their own homosexual wedding.”

The FFA is somewhat versatile, however, and Caton’s campaigns against Muslims exhibit the same virtues as his anti-gay campaigns (while being, if possible, even more ignorant). In 2011, he protested the TLC show All-American Muslim, claiming that it was propaganda and a front for an Islamic takeover of America because it misleadingly failed to disclose that “99.9 percent of Muslims agree with the principles of Sharia law” (his evidence seems to be that Muslims are evil terrorists and extremists). In the complaint he compared“Muslims to snakes”, thus earning the support of Pam Geller. Caton followed up by e-mailing companies advertising during the show pressuring them to drop their advertising. (Lowe’s pulled their advertising, but apologized after some subsequent public backlash: critics pointed out that the point of the show was precisely to portray the kind of problems Muslims in America face because of attitudes like the ones exhibited by Caton and Lowe’s). Caton said his campaigns also caused Home Depot and Campbell’s Soup to pull ads from the show, though Home Depot was never a sponsor for the show and Campbell’s Soup sort of continued to run their ads rather unaffected by his campaigns.

He has also called on schools to stop visits from the Council on American-Islamic Relations, a group that sends speakers to discuss stereotypes, human rights and women in Islam. Their Joel Huter told the Orlando Sentinel in 2013 that he received hundreds of angry emails and letters from the FFA, one of which said “I hope your family dies in a fire,” which is an effective way to emphasize the evils of Islam.

In the 1980s Caton’s campaigns were targeted primary against convenience stores in Florida that sold pornography, but his interest in porn has remained even though they are currently overshadowed by his anti-gay and anti-Islam ravings.

Diagnosis: Village idiot who currently seems to be trying to fill the hole left by the demise of Fred Phelps. A raging ball of insanity, bigotry and misinformation, Caton is certainly not helping the causes he advocates, so one may perhaps be excused for suspecting a very, very elaborate poe.

#1454: Stephanie Cave

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Given the vast numbers of MDs and medical researchers in the US, it isn’t really hard to find a few who have lost their shit and gone over to the dark side of delusional conspiracy theories and pseudoscience. The existence of these few lend absolutely no genuine authority to e.g. antivaccine views, but antivaxxers always pull out the same couple of people and their writings; not actual research – these people are generally not researchers – but conspiracy drivel in blog or book format aimed at non-specialists, those who lack the background necessary to actually evaluate the claims.

Stephanie Cave is board certified in Family Medicine, but currently practices integrative medicine and “specializes in treating autism” with “alternative therapies”, diet and nutritional supplements (guess what the cause autism may be), therapies that “seem to work with many of our children.” Cave, who runs Cypress Integrative Medicine in Louisiana, believes that using drugs is only a last resort, working instead to “achieve a balance through nutritional supplements and dietary interventions.” The idea that autism represents a nutritional imbalance or can be treated by diet is ludicrous and offensive. Cave is also a board member of Unlocking Autism, and organization founded by Shelley H. Reynolds, whose son has autism, was treated by Cave, and brought some fame to the anti-vaccine crusaders in 1999 through a sensationalist Cable News Network program about the purported link between vaccines and autism.

Cave is the author of What Your Doctor May Not Tell You About Vaccinations (no less) and has developed her own, alternative immunization schedule. She even appeared as an “expert witness” in some of the cases in the OmnibusAutism Proceeding – it’s a relatively small world among antivaxxers with genuine (though not research-related) credentials.

Diagnosis: Yeah, there’s a reason why most doctors won’t tell you what Stephanie Cave willingly tells you about vaccination. Stay well away from this one. She has undeniably had some influence, but that doesn’t make her claims any less crackpotty.

#1455: Shane Cessna

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Shane Cessna is a hardcore creationist worship leader, Sunday school teacher and speaker affiliated with the Creation Research Society and Creation Ministries International, who hopes to share with Christians his insight that a belief in evolution and the Bible cannot be reconciled with one another.” His goal, accordingly, is to teach Christians sound creation information that will allow them to defend their faith with confidence.” As most creationists, Cessna is concerned with outreach, not science (he seems to dislike science intensely, and prefers to promote (usually false) anecdotes on how science is fraud): “If your church or homeschool group would like me to come speak about creation/evolution issues, feel free to contact me,” or in short: Make sure to get to the children before they encounter, you know, too much of reality, evidence and – crucially – science. After all, anyone with a cursory understanding of evolution would too easily see through the ploys, PRATTs and talking points Cessna is using. (Here’s just one example of how Cessna researches his topics). “You’ll be amazed to see how weak the scientific evidence for evolution is,” says Cessna, and we are pretty sure it’ll look that way in Cessna’s presentations. After all, according to Cessna “Evolution teaches us there is no need for God, there is no spiritual realm, and there is no afterlife. According to the theory, spirituality is just an evolutionary trick of the mind,” which does … not resemble anything remotely related to the theory of evolution.

As for the fraud claims? Well, Cessna covers Ernst Haeckel, the Peppered Moth and the Piltdown Man, and – for the clincher – points out how science is always changing whereas God’s word remains the same. Yes, that science is a self-correcting enterprise where beliefs are adjusted to the evidence is apparently a bad thing – go for pure dogmatism and denialism instead, and there will be no need to investigate further once you've found the answer you like.

Diagnosis: Yes, that kind of guy. Dishonest and deceptive to the core, but he’ll never realize.

#1456: Eugene Chaffin

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Eugene F. Chaffin is a Professor of Physics at Bob Jones University, one of the most legendary fake universities in the US. He is, as befits anyone working at said “university”, also on the CMI list of scientists alive today who accept the Biblical account of creation. He is also, for instance, coeditor (with Larry Vardiman and Andrew Snelling) of the 2005 cargo-cult-scientific collection Radioisotopes and the Age of the Earth II, published by the Institute for Creation Research, and a prominent member of the RATE group (Radioisotopes and the Age of the Earth; described here. He has also served on the board of the Creation Research Society since 1988, and is the physics editor for their pseudojournal Creation Research Society Quarterly.

Chaffin is somewhat exceptional among creationists, since Chaffin actually seems to be honestly committed to doing what he thinks is scientific research, not only outreach. He is probably most notable for his work on radioactive decay – as you would figure, radioactive decay is sort of a serious problem for the idea of a young Earth, and Chaffin is one of the big defenders of the idea of, well, special pleading:the rate of radioactive decay has not been constant but accelerated for instance during the flow (despite the fact that the acceleration his models need would have annihilated the Earth in a spectacular fashion, in addition to being nothing but a desperate ad hoc measure in blatant contradiction with the evidence).  

Diagnosis: Not the most flamboyant of them, and for all we know Chaffin might actually be intellectually honest. It’s less clear whether that makes this character more or less sad.

#1457: John Chalfant

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John Chalfant is a board member of the Council for National Policy, one of numerous organizations featuring your standard row of fundie wingnuts like Pat Robertson, James Robison and Alan Keyes, as well as rank theocrats like Gary North – Duane Gish and Henry Morris of the Institute for Creation Research are apparently former members – but one that has had some impact on the political directions of the religious right. We could really end this entry right there, and Chalfant’s claims are pretty much exactly what you’d expect: “Many Christian leaders have compromised with a secular worldview that never could have created the Declaration of Independence, Constitution or Bill of Rights,” says Chalfant – the Constitution was really aimed at instituting a theocracy – and “Christians need to realize that they have the primary responsibility for reclaiming our nation’s Christian heritage because it is Christianity upon which the Declaration of Independence and the Constitution were founded.” Since in Chalfant’s head this is apparently something fundamentalist wingnuts fail to emphasize. It is, of course, also completely false, if you needed to have that pointed out.

In America – A Call to Greatness (duly pimped by the WND). you will find … more of the same. According to the blurb, Chalfant “draws compelling comparisons between the lack of Christian action in our crisis world and the militant Christian faith of America’s Founding Fathers.” (No, he didn’t really do any research beyond his own imagination.) “The widespread retreat from Christian duty has opened the floodgates to atheistic, humanistic, evolutionary, and cult-based evils that undermine the founding principles of America and threaten our nation,” claims Chalfant. Yes, he dismisses science as a cult-based evil – evidence-based, meticulous and methodologically sound approach to any topic is a threat to dogmatism and therefore of the devil. That’s the principle that also led him to conclude that the Founding Fathers were “militant Christians”, despite their explicit rejection of militant Christianity. So it goes.

Diagnosis: Thank you for playing, mr. Chalfant, but next time please learn the rules first.

#1458: Dean Chambers

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Dean Chambers is, to some people at least, familiar as the self-appointed nemesis of Nate Silver. Silver, of course, (somehow) attained celebrity status for his predictions of the 2012 presidential election based on statistical analyses. Chambers, who didn’t fancy the results Silver predicted, argued that they were wrong, partially because Silver (who is openly gay) is nothing more than an “effeminate,” “soft-sounding” “Castrat[o],” and by rejecting sound statistical methods in favor of vain, wishful thinking. In particular, Chambers claimed the polls were skewed and that Romney was going to win in a landslide, something that endeared him to the rabid right, who rarely seems to ask people they agree with to provide anything resembling evidence(which Chambers couldn’t have given them). You can see an example of Chambers trying to “unskew” the polls (by, really, disregarding the results in favor of the results he’d like to see) here. Here: is Chambers preemptively declaring voter fraud in the 2013 Virginia gubernatorial election; he simply wrote up the results in advance, claimed voter fraud, and admitted that this would be the story to publish after the election, no matter what happened – conclusive evidence, if any was needed, that Chambers’s positions are utterly unconnected to what’s actually the case. Here is another prediction that is so unimaginably stupid that one wonders why even wingnut media is giving him attention.

And yes, Chambers really is your standard wingnut conspiracy theorist. He has, for instance, promoted the idea that the Affordable Care Act requires American citizens to have microchips implanted in their hands, which will contain all health data and bank account information and will allow the government to monitor you, control you, and turn you into a slave. He is also dishonest. And don’t get him started on fluoridation unless you want to hear some truly old-school John Birch society-style crazy.

He is also a fan of the lunacy of wingnut conspiracy theorist Kevin DuJan (of “during-the-night-of-Benghazi-Obama-was-high-on-cocaine-and-having-gay-sex” fame). It should give you an idea about what Chambers thinks about using evidence to form beliefs and back up claims. And yeah, the gays is an ever-present force of destruction. When General Mills added a rainbow marshmallow to their Lucky Charms cereal, Chambers was among those who screamed “gay conspiracy”, pointing out that “[w]e don’t make this stuff up. The hard left does. I can understand Justice Antonin Scalia’s frustration with seeing our country turn rotten and corrupt with all this political correctness, as he saw with the putrid arguments he had to hear justifying same-sex marriage. Rush Limbaugh is right, everything that made this country great, when it was, and helped establish American Exceptionalism, is under assault from the far left.” Yes, that’s the workings of the mind of Dean Chambers. Same sex marriage, according to Dean Chambers, is really a matter of inequality – it is granting homosexuals special rights, which is precisely the argument wingnuts made in the 50s about interracial marriage, of course. He also predicted that gay marriage will be exploited for fraudulent purposes: “a father and son could exploit gay marriage ‘rights’ by getting married and the father passes real estate to the son without paying inheritance taxes on it. This is just one of many not yet thought of unintended consequences that will come from the far left’s ‘marriage equality’ agenda.” Just think about it. Apparently Chambers is unaware that girls can inherit real estate, too – at least that’s the charitableinterpretation of how he was thinking about the matter.

Diagnosis: Yes, Dean Chambers appears to be genuinely inhofely crazy – and stupid, in the sense that wingnut paranoia makes you stupid. How influential he is, is another matter: His voice resounds in the wingnut echo chamber, but it’s unclear to what extent it is, at least at present, heard outside of that.

#1459: Donn Chapman

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Donn Chapman is pastor of Cornerstone Ministries in Murraysville, PA, and really just one of many rabid religious extremists doing his best to quench the influence of truth, reason, science and civilization on society. His only claim to notability, really, was his actions in relation to a 2013 bill considered by the Pennsylvania legislature that would “protect the academic freedom” to question evolution – in line with the strategic recommendations of hardcore fundamentalist anti-science organizations such as the Discovery Institute. Of course, these organizations vigorously deny that the bills have any religious agenda, so enter people like Donn Chapman to spill the beans for them: Chapman hosted a six-part series, Origins, in which he portrayed the teaching of evolution as a triumph of secularists and “neo-Darwinists” who want “to drive God from the marketplace and […] keep us from being able to give God the glory for what he’s done.” Said Chapman: “We are the spiritual children of the founders of this nation,” Chapman said. “This has been stolen from us. We need to take it back and give it back to God.” The debate over teaching evolution versus creationism is not about science, claimed Chapman, but about a clash of worldviews, and the core issue is “them [secularists] getting our kids and saying, ‘You feed them, you take them to church on Sunday, but if they’re going to be intelligent, if they are going to get into a good school, they are going to learn to think like us. Heil, Hitler.’ That’s what it’s about.” Oh, yes. Freedom in America has been “suppressed”, according to Chapman, because evolution is taught in public schools, and “anyone who even suggests discussion is exterminated… academically.” The bill didn’t pass.

Diagnosis: Liar for Jesus who takes militant pride in his ignorance. Fortunately for the rest of us his raging flailings seem to tend to harm the anti-science movement more than help it.

#1460: Shun Yan Cheung

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Gene B. Chase, Professor of Mathematics and Computer Science at Messiah College (a fundamentalist Evangelical institution), is a signatory to the Discovery Institute’s petition A Scientific Dissent from Darwinism, and pretty representative of those signatories: real credentials, but not a scientist by a long shot (instead he claims to work on the relationship between mathematics and faith, and has duly established that “it’s impossible to be both gay and evangelical”). But Chase might be too minor even for us.

Slightly more significant, perhaps, is Shun Yan Cheung. Cheung is also a signatory to the Discotute petition, but Cheung is also an Associate Professor at Emory University – not in a field relevant to assessing evolution, of course, but Cheung does at least have a full-time position at a major research institution, and has, indeed, some publications in a totally unrelated field. Cheung is also a hardcore creationist who runs a webpage presenting the overwhelming evidence for the accuracy of the Bible and the falsity of evolution. The site is targeted at non-specialists, of course – don’t expect any engagement with science or scientists – and all the standard creationist PRATTs are predictably there. Here is his apparently incontrovertible evidence for the accuracy of the Bible (“Rational Evidences for Christ Jesus –  heavy emphasis on rational”). Words fail.

Diagnosis: Oh, dear. Good thing Cheung is an engineer and not a scientist, since he wouldn’t be able to distinguish evidence from wishful thinking if his life depended on it. His influence is probably pretty limited, but I suppose he still plays his small role in the battle against sanity, reason, science and truth.

#1461: Ed Chiarini

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a.k.a. DallasGoldBug

Another tragedy, another slew of clinically insane conspiracy theorists claiming that it’s a “hoax”, a false flag operation arranged by the guv’mint for nebulous but nefarious purposes.

Ed Chiarini is a Texas moron who runs a conspiracy site – a “Dallasgoldbug production” – that seems to pass along any paranoia-fueled conspiracy hypothesis under the venerable investigative principle “If you hear hoofbeats, assume unicorns.” According to himself Chiarini is an “investigator” interested only in the truth and keeping the public from being duped by its government, and has a long history of JAQing off under the assumption that if a conspiracy theory is almost imaginable (apart from a few inconsistencies), then it needs to be investigated to establish that it must in fact be true. His site got some attention when it pushed the idea that the Gabrielle Gifford shootings never took place but was all a government hoax that used actors. It’s not only the Gifford shooting, of course; here’s a discussion of Chiarini’s particular brand of Sandy Hook trutherism.

Of course, most conspiracy theorists get tired of JAQing off in the long run of things, and at some point Chiarini decided to really go down the rabbit hole. His website WellAware1 is currently famous for pushing the idea that all news events are staged by actors: whether they’re mall employees, famous musicians, crime victims or politicians, they are actors hired by the guv’mint to manipulate our perception of reality and push forward some sort of actor-driven totalitarian agenda. The evidence consists of trying to find images of people who in some way physically resemble each other, claiming that they are the same person, and therefore actors. Alan Greenspan, for instance, is obviously the same person as Larry King – funny that the guv’mint thought they could get away with that one without anyone noticing. And Dave Chappelle is Tupac because of ear biometrics: Chappelle’s and Tupac’s ears are the exactly the same, “right down to the piercing;” and possibly because they’re both black and black people tend to all look the same to certain people. Meanwhile, Steve Carell is Boy George and Alice Cooper, Paul Newman is Don Juan Carlos of Spain, Roman Polanski is Imran Khan, Nelson Mandela is Morgan Freeman’s father (old, indistinguishable black people, you know) and Willow Smith is Malia Obama. At least he’s really got it in for David Icke, who is really the same person as a range of guv’mint officials and celebrities.

Critics are easily disposed of: Apparently criticism of Chiarini’s project is compelling evidence that the critic is paid by the guv’mint, so any criticism is, in reality, further evidence that he is right.

He is currently trying to get crowdfunding so he can go on working to release THE REAL TRUTH, and his GoFundMe page includes a video that tries to prove Columbine was staged with the aid of inanimate human dummies.

Meanwhile, the good people over at whale.to are of two minds about Chiarini; on the one hand they seem to like his approach to evidence; on the other they do suspect that Chiarini might himself be an actor and double agent (of course). When it comes to what they find compelling, I think none put it better than whale.to stalwart Don Bradley:

The big truther shills out there are all network actors, scripted and coordinated from on high and from a single source: the CIA. They move players and create vast dramas keyed with witches sabbats, zodiacal shifts, and other calander points to create the maximum amount of magical expression in this dimension. Their goal is to create illusions believable enough to be mistaken for realities, that others will make their own and invest in emotionally, spiritually, and with time and effort. Once they’ve convinced these fake illusions are real enough, they then expect you to continue thinking and preceiving in their created box of lies.

Yeah, that’s it, Don. Roughly.

Diagnosis: Though we would like to say otherwise, people like Chiarini are, in fact, not always entirely harmless, and victims of real tragedies have often experienced further harassment by delusional dingbats who take the insanity of people like Chiarini seriously. It is nevertheless hard not to point and laugh.

#1462: Heather Childers

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Yet another insane conspiracy theorist. Heather Childers is particularly notable for promoting the idea that President Obama and his team threatened to kill Chelsea Clinton to keep her parents silent during his 2008 nomination campaigns (a story apparently first pushed by one Bettina Viviano). Why? Since the Clintons unearthed proof that Obama was born in Kenya, of course. Why do you ask?

Not content with that, Childers has also pushed the idea that “President Obama channels Joseph Stalin and attacks Supreme Court justices” because the Supreme Court (in some people’s imagination) has concluded that the “[a]uthenticity of Obama’s birth certificate [is a] ‘cause for concern.’” Well, ostensibly Childers is just JAQing off. As an investigative reporter, Childers’s duty is to “present both sides but people see what they want.” Indeed.

Childers’s day job is to be one of four rotating co-hosts of the Fox News Channel program Fox and Friends First, and they will certainly not question one of their hosts’ suitability just because said host is certifiably an insane conspiracy theorist. 

Diagnosis: Nuts.

#1463: David Hatcher Childress(?)

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It is hard to imagine a more magnificent, lunatic, exciting, disturbed, cool, unhinged and batshit crazy world than the one David Hatcher Childress seems to believe he inhabits. Childress is the owner of Adventures Unlimited Press, a publishing house established in 1984 to publish fantasy novels, science fiction and hack-and-slash roleplaying accessories – though the AUP doesn’t advertise their publications as such, of course. Among their titles you will find everything from the most incoherent lunacy to the crankiest of pseudoscience centered around ancient mysteries, unexplained phenomena, energy woo, alternative history and historical revisionism. It is, admittedly, not always clear to what extent Childress actually subscribes to the ideas he is pushing, but he has himself authored numerous volumes of imaginative rubbish on lost cities (Atlantis, Lemuria), pole shifts, hollow earth, pre-Columbian trans-oceanic contact, suppressed technology (Nikola Tesla and free energy), UFOs, ancient astronauts, anti-gravity and vimana aircrafts, the starchild skull (with Brien Foerster), secret societies (in particular the Knights Templar), as well as time travel and cryptozoology (yetis and sasquatch, mostly).

Childress refers to himself as a pseudo-archeologist” (rogue archaeologist” is his preferred wording, but those are synonyms; he has, of course, no qualifications whatsoever and what he does resembles archaeology only if you disregard the research, accountability, truth, care for evidence, reason or, well, the archaeology parts). In 1992, Childress also founded the World Explorers Club, which occasionally runs tours to places he writes about, and publishes the magazine World Explorer. He has also made numerous TV appearances for NBC (The Mysterious Origins of Man), Fox Network (Sightings and Encounters), Discovery Channel, A&E, and the History Channel (e.g. Ancient Aliens, of course). On The Mysterious Origin of Man he even appears to be promoting some kind of young-earth creationism, and he certainly defends nothing less than the Paluxy River tracks, which even Answers in Genesis admits is bunk, but really: If you ever encounter a piece of lunatic pseudoscience so crazy that you doubt even whale.to would push it, chances are David Hatcher Childress has already been there, done that (the Coso artifact, anyone? Oh, yeah.)

That said, we do remain somewhat skeptical. While Childress’s claims are untarnished crazy, they also have a remarkable tendency to be tailored to (and consistently outdo) whatever idiotic piece of nonsense is popular at any given time with little or no concern about diachronic consistency – some great examples are discussed here. Concerning out-of-place artifacts his 2006 view (“Atlantis, Ho!”) was that:

[M]y whole thing is that this stuff is from this planet. These giant ruins aren’t built by extraterrestrials. I say they were built by humans. Mankind and civilization goes back 50,000 years or more.”

But in The Time Travel Handbook from 1999? Well:

Nearly all of the ‘ancient astronaut’ evidence that can be found in the hundreds of books on the subject, can be alternatively explained in the time travel hypothesis, and have been.”

Ok … but what about the aliens? Well, his explanation on Ancient Aliens was:

What kind of powers would you have to have to do that? The powers of an extraterrestrial?

Or maybe he is … just adjusting his beliefs to … the evidence?

Diagnosis: Apparently Indiana Jones is a bit too much for the weak of mind. The weak of mind would perhaps include Childress, but definitely include his rather uncanny number of fans among those challenged by the fantasy–reality distinction.

#1464: John Cimbala

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The list of signatories to the Discovery Institute’s list A Scientific Dissent From Darwinism is illuminating. There are few actual scientists there, and even fewer with any kind of reputation. John Cimbala, however, may at least at first glance look like an exception. Cimbala is a Professor of Mechanical Engineering at Penn State, and he does have a couple of publications to his name – totally unrelated to evolution, of course, but still! As a matter of fact, Cimbala is also a signatory to the CMI list of scientists alive today who accept the Biblical account of creation. So at least his attitude toward science is the same as all the other signatories to the Discotute list: Cimbala is an anti-scientist through and through, which is also what he (implicitly) emphasized in his contributions to the book In Six Days – Why Fifty Scientists Choose to Believe in Creation, and his seminars on the “evolution/creation” controversy where he attempts to show that “all attempts to harmonize scripture with evolutionary philosophy (such as the day-age theory, the gap theory, etc.) have failed.” Which, when used as an arguments against science, is not exactly characteristic of a scientific attitude toward scientific matters, regardless of whether the claim is ultimately strictly speaking correct.

Cimbala has also parroted most of the standard creationist PRATTs, and his rants have dutifully been picked up by rabid fundamentalist Taliban-satelite organizations such as Creation.com and the Christian Answers Network. A short blurb for of one of his talks: “Scientific Evidences for Creation – Probability and origin of life; the second law of thermodynamics; design and irreducible complexity; the fossil record.” You get the drift.

Diagnosis: Rabid fundamentalist who is ready to reject gravity if it doesn’t fit with the dogmas he has already wishfully thought himself into. A sad but still fascinating case of a critical-thinking trainwreck.

#1465: Daniel G. Clark

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Seasilver USA, Inc. pushes Seasilver,™ a liquid multivitamin/multimineral/amino acid product supposed to balance your body chemistry,” cleanse your vital organs,” purify your blood and lymphatic system,” oxygenate your body’s cells,” protect your tissues and cells against challenges” and strengthen your immune system.” None of the claims are sufficiently precise, non-metaphoric or unambiguous to yield any testable predictions whatsoever, which is, of course a pretty common pseudoscience strategy for avoiding accountability. The company’s founder, Bela Berkes, is said to have developed Seasilver in response to health challenges” after he began a life-long, world-encompassing quest to learn nature’s secret to good health.” The company is currently run by his son, Jason E. Berkes, who also heads AmericAloe, the product’s manufacturer, and is notable for its long-lasting combat with the FDA over false, ridiculous and fraudulent claims they are making – though it is still, last time we checked, up and running.

We aren’t here primarily interested in SeaSilver, though – we mention it in particular since we forgot to include the Berkeses under B”. Instead, we are interested in one of Seasilver’s advisory board members (another one worth mentioning is ND David Friedman) – its only medical doctor – Daniel G. Clark, who is described as follows:

Dr. Clark is a Medical Doctor. In 1984, he was awarded the prestigious Academic Award for Scientific Research in Cancer in Rome, Italy. In 1988, he received the Physician of the Year Award in Broward County, Florida. He sponsors educational seminars for Physicians worldwide, providing lectures on quantum and molecular medicine. His special interests are chelation therapy for arteriosclerosis, alternative treatments for cancer and homeopathy and herbology for the prevention and treatment of chronic disease. He is actively involved with numerous professional associations, including a lifetime member of the National Health Federation. Dr. Clark is currently Managing BioActive Nutritional, Inc., and serves as Co-Chairman of the Seasilver USA Medical Advisory Board.

Ah, yes, from “quantum and molecular medicine” to homeopathy. Of course Seasilver’s bio leaves out some relevant details. Clark’s Florida medical license was revoked in 1983 for unprofessional practice; though it initially included gynecology, family practice, and general nutrition, it soon became a center for metabolic therapy” for cancer, which is not anything any serious practitioners would wish to be even remotely associated with. The disciplinary matter accordingly involved two cancer patients whom he treated with metabolic therapy” and black salve, with predictably disastrous effects. The Medical Board concluded that Clark had shown absolute reckless disregard for the health of his patient”.

Clark’s physician of the year award” was given by the Florida chapter of the International Association of Cancer Victors and Friends, a group ardently promoting quack cancer methods. The National Health Federation is hardly any more reputable: Its goal is to weaken the government’s ability to protect consumers against health frauds and quackery. BioActive Nutritional, on the other hand, which Clark founded in 1986, markets a large line of homeopathic products claimed to be effective against hundreds of symptoms, diseases and conditions, most of which have not been tested and none of which have any beneficial effect.

Finally, and perhaps most spectacularly, Clark is also the founder of the Institute of Quantum and Molecular Medicine and a staff member of the Florida College of Integrated Medicine, where, according to the school’s website, he lectures in Western biomedical sciences,” for which the college apparently thinks Clark is qualified to do given his background. He has also issued a letter of endorsement stating that certified electrodiagnostic practitioners” (yeah, it’s a bit short on specifics) have tested the phoenic hologram (a healing symbol”) and concluded that it can negate the negative effects of cell phones. That is apparently supposed to play the role of peer review.

Diagnosis: We have no reason to think that Clark isn’t under the delusion that he is actually helping people, but as we’ve argued before that isn’t really an excuse. Clark is evil. Clark is dangerous.

#1466: Donald Clark

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We probably need to cover some of these. Donald Clark is yet another signoatory to the Discovery Institute’s petition A Scientific Dissent From Darwinism, and he does have a PhD in physical biochemistry from the Louisiana State University, though he is – rather typically of the signatories to that list – hardly a scientist. Instead, Clark is Vice President of Development and Medical Affairs at Houston Biotechnology Inc. (we have had trouble locating much updated information about that company). Clark is also a contributor to the Creation Moments website. Indeed, Clark is a young-earth creationist who rejects astronomy as well as biology since it conflicts with his reading of the Bible, emphasizing that “[w]e must interpret our physical observations based on the scripture and not interpret the scripture based on our physical observations.” So, Clark argues, since scientists don’t completely agree on the exact age of the universe, we should rather accept a young-earth perspective with a God “[w]ho stretches out the heavens like a curtain, and spreads them out like a tent to dwell in” – after all, “[t]he scriptures may be showing us that man’s thinking about this redshift phenomenon, and hence, the expanding universe, may not be correct.” Officially, Clark is just JAQing off, but the gist is pretty clear.

Diagnosis: Frothing fundamentalist, and as such Clark hates science more than anything (though he does, of course, claim otherwise): So much so that he has apparently undertaken the effort of learning to mimick its tricks, even if he’ll never really understand them.

#1467: Brian Clement

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Cancer is bad. Being diagnosed with cancer is a frightening experience. That, of course, makes cancer patients a very attractive target for people peddling quackery and woo packed in false hope – you don’t even need to promise anything: Given what’s at stake, the faintest hope that a proposed treatment may, conceivably, work is often enough (inconceivablyoften works, too). There is, in other words, plenty of opportunities for places like the Hippocrates Health Institute (HHI) in Florida and its director, Brian Clement. And the HHI offers virtually every kind of quackery there is, from the unproven to the disproven to the incoherent and therefore not testable. As an example, the HHI“Life Transformation Program” offers, in addition to exercise and massage, superior nutrition through a diet of organically-grown, enzyme-rich, raw, life-giving foods; detoxification; wheatgrass therapies, green juice, juice fasting;colonics, enemas, implants; far infrared saunas, steam room; ozone pools, including: dead sea salt, swimming, jacuzzi and cold plunge; and bio-energy treatments." Oh, yes – it’s trendy, glitzy, and none of it has even remotely any health benefits, in particular not for cancer.

By the way, you may wonder what “implants” are. Well, wheatgrass “implants” are, in reality, wheatgrass juice enemas:When used as a rectal implant, reverses damage from inside the lower bowel. An implant is a small amount of juice held in the lower bowel for about 20 minutes. In the case of illness, wheatgrass implants stimulate a rapid cleansing of the lower bowel and draw out accumulations of debris.” No. Sorry. If you believe that this works you are an absolute freaking moron. Take a step back, and get some perspective on what the f*** you are doing. And yes, it is allowed to laugh at people who fall for this (though we will see below that Brian Clement is not the funny kind of clown). According to the HHI, however, wheatgrass can increase red blood cell count, decrease blood pressure, cleanse the blood, organs and GI tract of “debris,” stimulate the thyroid gland, “restore alkalinity” to the blood, fight tumors and neutralize toxins, and many other things. None of the claims are even backed up by anything resembling evidence – or any remotely plausible mechanism. But of course, that’s not how criteria roll at Brian Clement’s HHI. By the way, if you’re not into wheatgrass, the HHI offers the wheatgrass enemas also “in ‘Original’ and ‘Coffee’ varieties."

If that’s not for you either, the HH1 can also offer you intravenous vitamin therapy, cranial electrotherapy stimulation, combinations of infrared waves plus oxygen, acupuncture, colon hydrotherapy and lymphatic drainage. Or what about colorpuncture? And there is quantum woo, inspired by The Secret, and which has to do with how negative energy is producing illness in an incoherent vitalistic mess of a metaphysics. Clement is doing “quantum biology”, which concerns how vitamins, protein, water, minerals, essential fatty acids, and oxygen, and “electromagnetic frequencies” with “their varied frequencies are attracted to the magnetic energy of the cell.” According to Clement:

There is a continual and perfect communication from cell to cell and from gathering of cells […] to gathering of cells. This communication also reaches beyond your body to all other life outside. This rhythmic and energetic process is strong, yet fragile. It can be thrown off by a weakening of the anatomical integrity of the cells or their central electrical frequencies. This weakening can occur via poor nutrition, dehydration and/or polluted hydration, lack of oxygen, intake of heavy metals or chemicals or renegade electromagnetic fields such as cell phones, Wi-Fi, etc. All abnormalities [note!] that have been labeled as diseases stem from the negative energies that are endured from the poor lifestyle choices and unsustainable environment that we have created on planet earth today. Our core vulnerability stems from the reduction of bio-frequency that occurs in the cell, which heightens its fragility to make it ineffective in communication and contribution. When these disturbances are critical, they can even cause a cell to mutate. When you ingest ionized, rich, raw plant-based foods, it provides foundational energy. You then have to consider avoiding negative energy fields or at least protecting yourself from them with electromagnetic field interrupting devices or tools. What is more difficult to avoid and personally restrain from is the negative energy that we absorb or spew from discontented emotional states. Most of you have seen this and experienced it. Certain people, places or environments can make you feel uncomfortable, on edge and literally drained.”

It’s choprawoo on speed, no less. And for the grand finale, a browse through their materials will reveal that the HHI even offers … the infamous “detox” footbath

The Aqua Chi is a revolutionary hydro-therapy detoxification treatment that combines the life-giving properties of water with a high-frequency, bio-electric charge. This process enhances and amplifies the body’s own ability to heal itself. Your meridians are permeated and re-aligned back to their original strength and placement. This occurs through the electrical fields emanating from the Aqua Chi’s negative ion generator. Since our bodies are 90% water, the Aqua Chi drains polluting toxins and chemicals through the natural channels of the feet into the water. In combination with oxygen, you will maximize the riddance of the many destructive poisons contracted through improper diet, environmental pollution, and stress.” 

That, readers, is one of the most delectable examples of a technobabble word salad you’ll ever encounter. The device in question is this one.

In fact, Clement is sufficiently detached from all reality that he has been embraced by none other than Joe Mercola, and has told Mercola things like: 

Photons come down in the secondary stage, they hit the earth. They transmute into different frequencies. Those frequencies are what create the physical body or the energetic body we really are. When you and I are talking and thinking and people are listening, that’s the energetic body. The physical body that you’re sitting watching us here now, that’s created by the microbial effect in the soil, which are still the protons but recycled or re-cached protons. It’s great stuff.” 

Not one of those claims even rise to the level of meaning anything, but apparently his target audience are those who are unable to distinguish babble from profundity. The sad thing is that Clement uses this kind of nonsense to lure money from people in desperate situations. And despite how it looks it really isn’t funny.

Recently, Clement made the news again after an Ontario court ruled that a first-nation couple could not be forced to give conventional treatments to their daughter, who has leukemia. Apparently, they would be allowed to act in accordance with the values of their culture and use Clement’s therapies instead, which reflect first nation culture as much as beach volleyball. Apparently, Clement would be using “cold laser therapy, Vitamin C injections, and a strict raw food diet.” It belongs to the story that another first-nation girl he’d been treating for leukemia relapsed (of course) and died, and that prior to the whole debacle and its tragedies Clement had been giving lectures in and around both girls’ communities, emphasizing how his institute teaches people to “heal themselves” from cancer by eating raw, organic vegetables and having a positive attitude. “We’ve had more people reverse cancer than any institute in the history of health care,” says Clement. Of course, the “world’s foremost health institute that specializes in healing people with cancer” is licensed as a “massage establishment” since none of these people at HHI are legally licensed to treat cancer. Clement is not a physician. He can, however, legitimately adorn his CV with the line “has been the direct cause of the deaths of children.” Not very many people can.

He did face some negative publicity after that one – the second first nations girl he was supposed to treat may have been saved from Clement’s well-intentioned death sentence – and the State of Florida did order him to stop practicing medicine. Unfortunately, the state eventually backed down, dropped the case, and failed to act.

Diagnosis: An absolutely abominable character. He might mean well, but so did the organizers of the children’s crusade. Good intentions are simply not enough.

#1468: Kim Clement

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Kim Clement is a self-declared prophet who hosts a show on the Trinity Broadcasting Network, which he uses to broadcast … well, fundamentalist tripe. A good example is this rant (from February 2014) about how God is telling him that in the next week he will raise up a Godly man to “kill the giant of socialism” and “kill the giant of human secularism,” and battle Satan who is “doing everything in his power to put a witch in the White House.” In particular, Satan will “put a witch in the White House” who will advance the demonic spirit of “Jezebel,” and can only be stopped by a socialism-slaying politician. No, we have no idea whether these are the same prophecies or different ones or whatever. They nevertheless give you a fascinating glimpse of the mess that is the mind of Kim Clement.

Clement is also the President and CEO of Prophetic Image Expressions, and apparently “a singing prophet,” but we couldn’t really care to find out much more about that aspect of his mission. The website nibiruplanetx.info, however, claims that Clement is a false prophet because he has earlier admitted that he might be wrong about things, which apparently is a deadly sin and means you are in league with Satan to the contributors to a website named after Zechariah Sitchin’s Nibiru.

Diagnosis: Good, ol’-fashioned addle-brained fire-and-brimstone idiot. He seems to have an audience, but we doubt he’s creating many new converts for his battle against sanity.

#1469: Catherine Clinton

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Nonsense engenders nonsense, and someone who has bought into pseudoscientific nonsense as ridiculous as homeopathy is predisposed to buy into antivaxx nonsense as well. There’s a business idea there. And enter Catherine Clinton, a “mother-naturopath” who has invented a naturopathic “remedy” that will reverse the negative effects of vaccinations. She has invented those effects as well – although she’s a bit vague about what effects she imagines she can cure, her product, Vaccishield, will do the trick; according to Clinton, she “became concerned about vaccinating my son and wanted another option to support him during vaccinations. I looked to the research to see if there was something I could do nutritionally to support health during this vulnerable time. So we created VacciShield to fill a gap that we saw in the vaccination process. VacciShield is designed for infants and kids to help support healthy brain, immune, gastrointestinal and detoxification function during vaccination.” Of course, she has to leave the description somewhat vague – if she made actual medical claims she might have drawn FDA attention and thus have to deal with evidence and accountability – but what she offers is not only vague, but complete nonsense. It’s in fact pretty clear what “effects” she has in mind: the familiar but mythical harms for which vaccines are responsible in the minds of the antivaxx brigades, including autism (the code words for every vaccine-related conspiracy theory are all there in her brief description for those who know them). The “evidence” for the efficacy of her product is discussed here.

Her magical elixir sells for $27.99 USD for 1.36 ounces. At one point in the past we wouldn’t have believed that anyone could possibly fall for this kind of ploy, but at this stage we’ve become pretty confident that someone could successfully market arsenic as a wellness product and get people to defend its benefits of their own free will.

Diagnosis: Oh, yes; Catherine Clinton is not only an antivaxx loon – which would be bad enough – and a pseudoscience monger. She also makes money off of it. An absolutely horrible person. 

#1470: David Cloud

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David Cloud is, it seems, something of a Jerry-Falwell wannabe. He runs the website Way of Life, which is quite possibly one of the most insane extremist fundamentalist websites on the Internet.

Among other things, Cloud has written extensively (including a couple of books) about music, where he issues stern warnings to his congregation about proper use of such a dangerous tool. In particular, he warns about hidden messages in contemporary music, but as opposed to Jacob Aranza and David Noebel and their ilk, Cloud seems to be mostly concerned with messages “that might be hidden in the lyrics of CCM songs from the influence of the theology of ecumenism, kingdom now, Pentecostalism, Charismaticism, Roman Catholicism” and similar false teachings. Relatedly, in his writings on meditation, Cloud only discusses centered praying– heathen meditators have lost their souls long ago – which he warns against in the strongest possible manner: Meditation is tantamount to actively inviting demons (or worse) to possess you.

Cloud’s other books include the rather clumsily titled Seeing the Non-Existent Evolution’s Myths and Hoaxes, which contains not a trace of even the most basic understanding of evolution but instead an impressive array of PRATTs ranging from peppered moths to denying the existence of vestigial organs, natural selection and mutations (yup, Don Quixote, to your horse! There be giants nearby). Mostly, though, it is a giant argument from incredulity: Look at how amazingly well organisms are adapted to their environments – even scientists are sometimes compelled to sometimes use the word “design” – clearly evolution by blind randomness cannot account for this. And no, to emphasize it yet once more, Cloud doesn’t even remotely understand the very basics of the theory. 

Predictably, Cloud has made a number of enemies on the Internet as well, in particular because of his denunciation of KJV extremists such as Peter Ruckman as heretics” (I don’t think reasonable people much care). In fact, Cloud has denounced virtually any conceivable disagreement with him as heresy (and those who disagree with him are consequently engaged in persecution).

Diagnosis: Old-fashioned fire and brimstone sure ain’t dead. Probably ultimately rather harmless in the grand scheme of things, but boy is David Cloud crazy.
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